and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
