worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
