Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
