there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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