My Higher Power is John Stamos
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
