This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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