I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize