Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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