Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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