Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
worst night to have a conscience
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
