I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
