Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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