its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
he fucked my hip out of place.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
