I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize