I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
