I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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