You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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