I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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