I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
