I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
