soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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