Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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