Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
