Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
