when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My butt remains clenched, sir.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
