I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
