The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
