pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
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I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
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You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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