I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Plan B is the new Plan A
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We need to get me chipped asap
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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