I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
