Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
