God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
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Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Vodka?
Forever.
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I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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