Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
