well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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