um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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