I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
