I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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