Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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