He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
