He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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