Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Randomize
