no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
