I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
