while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
