if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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