So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he was CRYING into my vagina
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I have already put on my inside pants.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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