Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
