You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
