Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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