Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
