I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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