he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
