apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
