i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
