she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
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