i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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