So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I think I died a long time ago.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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