I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
