i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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