we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She's the barista slut.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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